Yesterday was Valentine’s Day, and as Valentine days go, yesterdays was a very nice one for me. Abrar and I had already exchanged gifts. He received his because I had to make sure it fitted. And I received mine because I had to order it. We’ve only been together five years…Abrar hasn’t graduated yet to being trusted to buy me something I like!
When he came home from work he brought with him some flowers. Not red roses. His choice though was perfect. We then exchanged cards. By nature I am a very tactile, demonstrative person. And although I consider myself extremely affectionate, I am not someone who likes soppiness. I wrote a few words in my card. Abrar wrote several sentences in his! When I read what he’d written, I was actually very touched. His words reflected our relationship, and he identified why it works so well.
Earlier in the day flowers were delivered to me. A really beautiful bouquet. And not from just one Valentine, but from four… my four boys! As it’s often a thankless task being a mum, whenever our kids do make us feel special, it feels truly wonderful.
Being with Abrar, every day is Valentine’s day. There aren’t special gifts, flowers, and cards, but there is constant thoughtfulness. I think for anyone whose been married or in a relationship where thoughtfulness for the most part was missing, there is an increased appreciation and enjoyment when we truly feel loved.
I haven’t had time to work on my maths book for the last two or three days. That’s no good. I really need to try and do a little bit at least five times a week. I have though been reading my Overcoming Binge Eating book. I have started to follow the plan the author sets out as a means of overcoming bingeing. In the first stage all I have to do is eat as I would normally, (binges and all). But I have to record the time I eat – what I eat – where I am when I’m eating – if I vomit or use laxatives afterwards – and I have to write comments about how I’m feeling every time I eat. I also have to use asterisks if I consider that I’ve been excessive with the amount of food I’ve eaten. It sounds simple enough to do, but it is taking time to get used to implementing it every time I eat.
I am becoming increasingly frustrated, and not just because my body seems to be expanding by the day. But because I am also physically suffering from carrying so much extra weight… my poor spine and joints aren’t functioning as well as they should be. After I’ve finished my acting classes (I have two more Saturday’s to go), I have a plan to work on another one of my goals for this year. I think it’s been a long time since I’ve felt this unfit. Working on my new goal might be the death of me… and I’m only half jesting when I say that! For anyone who doesn’t have weight issues… keep it that way! And for anyone who does… think about joining me on my journey. I could do with some company and moral support!